How to Annoy Lord Yggdrasill
by Katraa
Summary: Yuan shares his experiences and ways to annoy everyone's favorite cruxis leader! [Spoilers] [Recreated, better then ever]


This is the revised, and perfectly safe Ways to annoy Lord yggdrasill. Do enjoy!

I got this inspiration from talking to my friends. They inspire me without even knowing it. They're like, BRAINS or something and it makes me think about Tales Of Symphonia. Creepy, no?

Warnings; Crude Humor, Spoilers, Odd AN Notes

Also; Please Read the (A/n) seeing it continues on the listed ways to bug Lord Yggdrasill.

This chapter is written in; you guessed it, Yuan's point of view. The beginning describes the ways Yuan tortures Yggdrasill. After he tells you about them, he'll show you what happens by attempting one of them 

**Ways to Annoy Lord Yggdrasill  
Yuan's Pov, grand!

* * *

**

_**Dear Readers; **_

_**After thousands of years of trying, I have finally come up with ways to annoy Yggdrasill. Below I've stated some of the ways I've found, and sooner or later I'll add more ways. This is pure payback, or shall I say revenge for all the times Yggdrasill made fun of me. Enjoy**_

_**Ask him why he decided to dress like a woman. (**He usually ends up throwing a fit and commenting on how sexy he looks in white tights. But if you ask him enough, he'll break down in tears.)_

_**Pretend to be Kratos. **(What you have to do is pretend you are smarter than him, which is easy, and act like he's a child and start smacking him upside the head, maybe even with a sword!)_

_**When walking in a store with him, shout to every random person that he's gay. **(Most people will ignore you, but if you're REALLY lucky you'll end up finding someone else who's gay for him!)_

_**Ask him about his 'love life' over and over. **(He usually will ignore you but if you're really annoying he'll break down and talk about his crushes. Very interesting indeed….)_

_**Compare his products in his castle to other ones. **(Such as telling him Herbal Essences is better then Dove. He loves dove, so that'll piss him off.)_

_**Tell him evil slugs are going to rule the world. **(He usually starts to make rude remarks after that. But keep telling him about the slugs.)_

_**Dress Up As a James Bond and keep saying 'I'm Bond, James Bond' over and over.** (No need to comment further)_

_**Tell Him He's Fat. **(And keep telling him Your Mama SO Fat jokes.)_

_**Tell Him Oprah Winfrey's on **(and when he rushes to put it on and doesn't find it on tv and shuts it off, wait five minutes and shout, "She's back!" in a sinister voice!)_

_**While he's sleeping, handcuff him to a random piece of furniture. **(Maybe a cabinet or maybe a refrigerator…)_

_**Grab a flashlight and pretend to be him. **(Be sure to use a maniacal and girly voice while your attempting this. If you don't have tight pants, just borrow his.)_

_**Every three seconds say a random word.** (Like lawn mower, or shoe, or Lloyd. Lloyd really makes him mad.)_

_**Ask him why the sky is blue.** (If he doesn't respond, ask why the grass is green, etc.)_

_**Tell him that he reminds you of your French teacher.** (Even if your French teacher is a guy, or woman. Doesn't matter)_

_**Complain about his small feet. **(Trust me, it works…)_

_**Delete all the numbers off of his cell phone. **(That gets him really annoyed. Now he has to search for random people all over again!)_

_**Sing 'Baby Got Back' every five minutes. **(if you don't know the lyrics sing, "I like gay guys, and I can not lie, you other chicks can't deny, when a guy walks in with yellow hair and tight white pants, you get sprung!" and so on. That bugs him..)_

_**Keep cutting your fingernails and make sure they fly off into his eyes.** (Die..)_

_**Ask him why he doesn't have eye brows. **(even if he does answer, keep asking.)_

_**Sing Dude Looks Like a Lady every time he attempts to talk or take a sip of coffee. **(works every time)_

_**Ask him where babies come from.** (You'll get an interesting response..)_

_**Tell him you work for the FBI and he's under arrest.** (and watch him cry like a baby!)_

_**Chuck random fruit at him and say their names in Spanish. **(Like pera… oh yes, the joy!)_

**_Talk in German to him, so he doesn't know what you're saying._**

_**Pretend you can't understand English.**_

_**Tell him he needs a hair cut.**_

_**Explain the laws of physics over and over **(that'll take awhile)_

_**Ask him why he is called 'Lord'.**_

_**Be very observant about what he's doing.** (Like if he sits down ask, "Why are you sitting down?")_

_**Pretend to die **(Right when he jumps for joy, jump up and scream, "Fooled you fool!" in a gansta voice)_

_**Sincerely Yuan;**_

_**P.s. I have also enclosed what happens when you attempt one of these dangerous- I mean harmless stunts.

* * *

**_

Ok, I have to admit, Yggdrasill isn't _all_ that bad, but he is bad enough to pick on. Between the girly man tights, the weird voice, and his obsession with discoing, you can have loads of entertainment just by making fun of him! Usually I'm not one to speak to my former comrade, but sometimes you have to give in and play a prank on him once in awhile. And that's exactly what I did.

I had just returned back from a meeting with my society, if that's what you call those weaklings, and I has received an urgent call from Yggdrasill. Usually I'd just ignore the call, or chuck the phone out the window, but this seemed urgent enough. Going against my gut feeling, I decided to go to Derris-Kharlan to see what was so 'urgent'.

Arriving, I decided I should annoy Yggdrasill for all the times he annoyed me. What times you ask? Let's see, the time when me and Martel were having a romantic dinner, the time when Kratos and I were talking, and the time where I was learning how to fly a Rheaird. No further comment on my part. You're not worthy of more detail.

Anyways, thinking back to Mithos' one true weakness, his fear of getting arrested, I conjured up some black clothes to pretend to work for the FBI. Ah, the wonders of using mana for myself and my petty pleasures. After I had got dressed, and put on some ridiculous sunglasses, Kratos gave them to me awhile back by the way, I was sure my plan would work.

"Yuan, is that you?" Time for torture.

"Mithos Yggdrasill, you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law," Just saying that was making me crack up. How odd I looked, dressed up in a suit, holding a black wallet in the air and shouting nonsense at one of the power fullest creatures alive. Perhaps I was on crack at the time?

"Hey! I got arrested last Monday!" He snarled. Twitching, I hesitated and shuffled the wallet back into the suit pocket.

"Well, your being arrested again. That's it. Now, erm, do the chicken dance," Honestly, that's the first thing that came to mind.

"Since when did being arrested have to do with the chicken dance?" He murmured.

"I said do it! Or suffer the consequences," I hollered. Pure enjoyment on my part.

"Or what?"

"I'll chuck this Electronic Furby at you!" I randomly chirped as a Furby appeared in my hands. If you are that dense not to know what a Furby is, it's an electronic creature that talks, and won't shut the hell up. Yggdrasill hates those.

"N-not the furby!" Yggdrasill pleaded.

"Yes! The Furby!"

"Wait a minute!"

"What?" Sweat started coming down my face rapidly. Did he know it was me? Well, anyone could figure that out, but Yggdrasill was dumb. Powerful but stupid.

"You're the baker on fifth avenue aren't you!" The baker on fifth avenue? And to think I was the one on crack. Sighing, I turned around and walked away.

"Where's my free bread!" He hollered after me.

"Get it yourself," I sighed and chucked the Furby over my shoulder at Yggdrasill and left. Ok this plan didn't work out as well as I wanted it to, but there was always next time. Next time to send yggdrasill over the edge from annoyance!

* * *

**Author's Note;**

**Loved it or hated it. Another chapter, or three of more ways to annoy Cruxis Leader. Please Review!**


End file.
